Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Episode 25: Where our heroine vanquishes a behemoth and achieves squash

Cue the trumpets, here we go.
It's Hubbard time!

For an idea of scale - that's my little size 7 shoe there.  Big damn squash we're talking here.
It was a gift from my sister-in-law for our Thanksgiving dinner - she grew a bunch of them in her garden this year.  Her advice on opening it was to put it in a trashbag and drop it on a concrete floor.  Preferably from a second story window.
Well, I didn't have a second story window, but I had a trashbag and a concrete floor.
Step one:

 I closed the bag, heaved it up to chest level (I'm sure there's a weightlifting name for the move), and then dropped it on the floor.
Peeking inside the bag, I found no change.  Not so much as a dent.

Wrap, heave, drop again.


I tried a couple more times, still with no results.  I would have tried lifting it over my head, but it was just too heavy.  Finally I bent my knees slightly, then rose up abruptly while throwing the squash into the air.  (Picture caber tossing, only with a squash instead of a tree.  Same technique.)  I managed to get it up about head high, and it hit the ground with a crunchy noise.
I got excited!  Success at last!

Nope.  But at least I chipped it!  Progress!
I launched it a couple more times and got  this beautiful crack.

 I tried prying it open at this point, but no go.  Two more tosses and I opened the bag to this glorious sight:

No squash in the verse can stop me!

 I piled the chunks on the table and started hacking off rind.

And hacking.
And hacking.
Finally I took the two biggest chunks left, piled them on a cookie sheet, and threw them in the oven.

 And finished peeling the last little piece.

 Done.  The pot is boiling and the tray is baking, and I'm resting from my mighty labors.

And trying not to think about the fact that my sister-in-law actually gave us TWO of those squashes.
The other one is still waiting for me.
I think I hear it humming the theme from Jaws...


Libby in TN said...

Mother always served Hubbard squash on Thanksgiving -- the Birdseye kind! I mistakenly asked for a Hubbard squash once; however, in my mind I was picturing Butternut squash. Imagine my surprise when a huge orange basketball showed up. We cut it open with a hack saw, cleaned out the seeds, filled the cavity with butter, brown sugar and other spices, then cooked it (for hours) in a cast iron Dutch oven over coals. It was delicious!

Cynthia Brunz Designs said...

Sounds like all that work out earned you an extra piece of pie! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

kmkat said...

The squash that ate Vermont is not match for you!

Wanderingcatstudio said...

O.. M... G... that is one scary squash... is she located near a nuclear plant or something.. I'd be more afraid of that squash sprouting limbs and going all "Feeeeed me, Seymour!!!"

Cathy said...

That's hilarious. You should have tried a chain saw or hatchet or like we have tried in the past, wood splitting maul and wedge.

Now, I grow several different kinds of squash but never anything that big! And it doesn't even look stringy. How will you serve it? Let us know how it came out.

We just finished out dinner and had candied squash from the garden as well as pumpkin pie from garden pumpkins (as well as potatoes from the garden, green beans from the garden, pickles from the garden...) and all was yummy. I'm thankful for a garden when it comes to feeding a large family!

Laurie said...

zomg. That is more than funny! I have not bought one, and now I am glad. Can you imagine feeding the entire family ALL WINTER with one squash? The the length of preservation time that is possible??

amy said...

Thank you so much for photo-documenting the process. I've always heard that green hubbards make the best pumpkin pie but if someone gave me one, I would have absolutely no idea how to process it into something useable.