So, after much head-bashing, I've got charts that fit on a page, I've figured out how to add them to a text document, and I've started typing up instructions. At this rate, I should have this damn pattern ready sometime before summer... Fall, at the latest.
How about if everybody just comes to my house, and I'll teach the mitten, instead? It would be easier on all of us, I think. I make pretty good coffee.